The Vineyard πŸ†πŸ† Laughlin, NV You’re not missing much.


The Vineyard – Laughlin, NV

Why two dicks? Don’t be afraid because you wont get sick, but you will get an authentic Italian meal. Just please remember where you are . . . in Laughlin Nevada.

We were peacefully walking up the river and checking out the casinos, sights and whatnot, when the wife decides she is hungry for a Friday night pizza. We were at the Aquarius hotel and casino and saw this place down the hall. A quick glance at the menu we saw they served a Pizza along with other fare. We were just interested in a pizza.

Quickly looking around the place to see if I could quickly identify anything customers were eating, the portions and plating etc., we found ourselves being swiftly escorted by the greeter to the outdoors because it was a very nice evening, and we felt lucky to quickly grab that offering.

The outdoor patio was almost nice because of the setting under the trees and the rising moon across the river, but the occasional bar patron exiting the glass doors directly behind my head while lofting bottles of Coronas above their heads was rather disturbing.

In hind sight I have to ask this question. What are my expectations when I read “The only high end Italian restaurant in Laughlin”? I guess I’m expecting the server to know what it is that he serves me. My wife asks, “what is that, some kind of sorbet?” Our server claimed earlier that he has been here for 11 years, so I begin to wonder what he means by “been here”. Has this place really been here and survived for 11 years? Because when the server replied, “that’s sorbet, a palate cleanser”. I replied, “oh, an intermezzo”. Our server said, “is that what it is called?” Already this evening I’m beginning to question the “high end” thing.

First of all, that server was probably one of their better servers because he ‘now’ had two stations, including the almost nice outdoor patio area where we were seated, and sat, and sat waiting for the server, as he did finally arrive. Through his explanation he told us that he recently acquired the patio area this evening with only one table taken, to what was now all the tables occupied and waiting to begin service; however Richard finally stepped up, came to task and held a solid grade for the rest of the performance; so I do applaud him.

We decided to share a personal sized pizza and a house salad. The house salad was a rendition of a cheap pizza parlor attempt at lessening the blow of iceberg lettuce with a few pieces of Romaine scattered about. We also noticed the portion control was slightly askew because the table next to us also ordered the house salad as ours, that comes with a small handful of Garbanzo Beans, black olives and a small handful of cherry pear tomatoes; but her plate looked like it had two heaping handfuls of each. Maybe they know someone? Maybe the portion control is jacked up, because Richard gave them the same level of service that he gave us. The only things memorable about the salad was the ‘house’ dressing was rather pleasant and the tomatoes were delicious.  

There was plenty of service persons setting tables, clearing tables and bringing water and bread baskets to each table. They also brought  what were three very lousy creamed (again, cheap pizza place) butters, two of which were compounds of honey and the other was sun-dried tomato. The bread and crackers that were in the basket were good, which I had hoped were an indicator of a fresh bakery that would also make our pizza dough.  

The pizza finally arrived and was about the quality of a frozen Totino’s pizza, but without the name brand. Not tonight Dick! The crust sucked and gave me an indication about the remainder of the cuisine here at The Vineyards. I figure, if you are an elite or otherwise “high end” Italian place (regardless of the city) you should be throwing a good individual pie. For the kids this pie would be ‘ok’ to keep them happy, but not for entertaining an adult desiring to be enchanted with your cuisine. By the way, I had anticipated the pizza when I looked at their ‘very simply Italian’ menu offerings of everything you’ve already heard of, and everything you have already seen on every other simple Italian restaurant menu.

Oh and the ‘intermezzo’ of sorbet would have been more impressive if it was house made, but it did serve it’s purpose to satisfy those with a cheap date and limited knowledge of cuisine.

Don’t waste your time here.

Read my other reviews.

Dicks

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