Linguini & Clams – Siriusly?

Got the Sirius playing on-line. Inspired by some kickin’ music on “Lithium” and a great recipe for a family favorite. Yup, the ol’ Italian in me had a Sirius craving for the clams. How simple is this?

Start with the cleaning, mashing and chopping finely, some fresh garlic. For this I use a whole head…duh, for just about everything, I use a whole head. I just now refer to the entire head as a “clove”. That’s how much garlic means to me. “F” Emeril and his girlie “Bam” and “Gaaallliicc”. I’ll show him a thing or two about this stuff. Sorry, I digress….

Clean and finely chop some garlic. Coarsely chop about a cup’s worth of Italian parsley…retain. In a large sauce pan…oh I forgot, throw some water in a pot to boil. Say about a half-gallon or more in a large stock type pot. There’s actually a ratio that I was taught…yeah really, like that was something I paid attention to. One of you other culinary types wanna chime in and give me a bit of help on that one? Obviously NOT Italian if you actually remember that one. Bring the water to a boil… while I digress again. In a large sauce pan, yes, you are creating a sauce you know. Heat about a couple of table spoons of olive oil, you can always add more later for more olive oil flavor, and now toss in the chopped garlic. Cook, stirring a bit until translucent. Oh yeah again,… open a couple of cans of chopped canned clams, retaining the lids so you can now pour the liquid into the saucepan,… carefully ’cause it will splatter a bit. Just be carefull. You can get all of the liquid by retaining the lid atop of the clams, so the clams don’t pour out, and you can slightly push the lid down to squeeze the last drop of liquid out. I would say use about three cans worth for the novice. To that, add about a cup of white wine…house crap white is usually fine. I normally use like a Chardonnay. Now bring your sauce to a boil, reduce heat to a very slow simmer and salt and pepper to taste.

Return to check your boiling water. Is it boiling yet? You can add salt at this time if it is…or even not. I really don’t care either way. Do what you want. It IS the only and last opportunity to add salt to your saltless pasta. Now bring that water to a very hard boil and check on your sauce. Do you have a nice slow simmer going?… good…

Once your salted water is at a hard boil, grab your favorite dried linguine and add it all at once. Watch the boiling water being sprayed back at you. Just be careful. Immediately stir gently so the pasta doesn’t stick together. Some folks use a bit of olive oil in the water just before adding the pasta. I say…those folks are amateur. Just stir it right away a bit to prevent sticking and you’ll be ok. Then cover it just for another minute to quickly return it to a boil again. Check the pasta again and stir it once more, this time stir it a little more briskly to again help it from sticking, being careful not to bust up the pasta. Cook it for about 8 minutes, or until al dente (just done, to the tooth). Check on your sauce..stir. Check on your pasta…stir. Check on your sauce…stir. Check on your pasta…stir. Sheesh, get the picture already? Just keep checking and stirring.

Once your pasta has been approved by MY mother, grab a couple of pot holders and say loudly, so everyone can hear, “COMIN’ THROUGH” and head to the sink and drain in a colander, again being carefull not to burn your unskilled ass. Don’t be a gringo and rinse it, you’d just wash off the valuable starches. Let it sit there a minute…it’ll be fine.

Turn your sauce on high and again bring to a boil. Now add those clams that are hiding under the lids you smashed down. Pour ’em all in…quickly. Give a quick stir. Add  that chopped parsley…give a quick stir. Remove from heat. The longer you cook this sauce now will make the clams tough and the parsley ugly.

Grab your ladle and add a couple ladles of just the liquid part of the sauce, to the pasta pot or other special pasta bowl you were given as a wedding gift. Now pour that drained linguine into the pot, dish or what ever you’re using and coat quickly by turning it into the sauce liquid a couple of turns to coat. You’re ready to serve.

Plate about 4-6 oz of pasta or more…I say about 8 cause I like this stuff. That would be about 2-3 servings per pound, when it’s actually supposed to be 4. Anyways, atop the plated pasta, ladle some of your kickin’ clams and more sauce. Garnish with Romano cheese and Garlic Bread. I hope you made a salad. Please, oil and vinegar dressing only…none of that white crap for the Italian dinner here. Really?…have some respect…eh?

You ask how it was tonight??? I don’t know…I made a TV dinner and just gave YOU the recipe. You think I have all this time… A man’s GOT to know his limitations…and this night was a hard limitation…I can’t believe I ate a TV dinner. Had to help clear the freezer for party ice.


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